Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Wishing I could write something profound or interesting

Currently my life is not so much interesting and amazing as it has been. It's great - don't get me wrong. To live being me is fun and interesting and exciting... for me.

I have been through a phase of deep and introspective thinking lately - clarifying my beliefs and considering how much fear has negatively impacted my life. Not specific fear of one thing, but fear of everything probably motivated by fear of myself and the consequences to my actions.

It occurs to me that a large part of growing up is taking into account the possible negative consequences to your actions and acting anyway. Kids act thoughtlessly, without insight and calculation - called innocence yes? As an emerging adult you go through a process of being aware of your impact on other and the far reaching effect of your decisions.

This is probably something everyone knows. Either way I'm now looking at things I've been unable to do, things I have done and reasons I am now the person I am, as a result of the fear I have felt and feel.

It's kind of pathetic. But - then as a thing to deal with it's actually a big deal...

1 comment:

BaSiL said...

So, Cordelia, I found your blog after all this time. And funny that you posted about the topic we were discussing the other day. I dont know if you mind me reading this. But anyway, I'm glad that Franklin was unable to completely pull you out of weird headspace because I think its good to come to grips/conversation with your brain/thoughts/life sometimes, even if it can kind of smack you in the face a bit, or more sort of that feeling when you splash your face with water in the morning when you wake up. Not a wake-up call, just a fresh burst of thought that kind shocks, kinda revives and kinda makes you want to crawl back into bed with the doona.

I had a fun Cheez night last night. Especially the Brazilian conversation, when Legs wouldn't leave us alone.

I dont know if we have a code name for my significant other, and i thought Legs was appropriate but i can assure you a billion percent that he think its lame. So lets stick with Snake Balls. Haha.