Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Tell me... or in fact, really, please don't...

Today during our lunch break, the 'new guy' at work told me he has decided I'm a very straight forward person, very direct, and that some people can find that confronting. He also compared me to someone I've met twice, a mutual acquaintance, saying I am quite like her. When asked if he finds me confronting, his answer was yes.

This, after having just described himself as 'soft' and 'gentle' and how he knows as soon as he uses those words, people interpret them to mean whatever they think they mean. A colleague said 'are you saying you're a pushover?' and he said no, and used that as an example of how different words mean different things to people.

Isn't it interesting when people you hardly know decide it's OK to tell you to your face what kind of person they've decided you are.

I keep wondering if I wasn't pregnant (and more emotional than usual) would I still be thinking about this?

Actually, as I think about all of his conversation over lunchtime, I'm quite annoyed. Grr.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Some thoughts during my early pregnancy... sorry to bore you all with this one

So today, 23.8.2011, I saw a heartbeat. It was so tiny. Franklin got to see it 'badoom, badoom' more than I did - but it was there. First time I've ever seen that.

Also - due to the miscarriage risk of such an early time (6/7 weeks) and due to two previous misfires - we're not telling anyone except his parents and mine, and Basil guessed (duh) 

So I thought I would start recording events, as I can't really talk about how I'm feeling with many people (Franklin and my Mum) and whinging about feeling sick isn't fun. So here's some thoughts:

I'm grateful for Basil's word, Psalm 23

Yesterday I nearly threw up in the back of a work colleague's car. I was desperately shouting internal 'no, no, no's and 'Please God, please God's and survived without embarrassing myself. Thank. God.

I'm not good at throwing up. I wonder if it would be better if I did, or not. The Dr seemed to think not throwing up is good, or at least ok.

Feeling nauseous and not being able to talk about it it quite tiring. Being at work and having to concentrate and be your normal self, while you feel sick, is also tiring.

Because of this, I am carrying feeling sick around like a tension across my shoulders expecting it to loom any time, and the mental battle to begin.

If I loved sleeping and my bed before, which I did, I love it even more at the moment due to it being the only place where I don't feel sick.

Before we even knew what a baby at 6.5 weeks looked like on a scan Franklin and I have been calling our babies chillies, like jalapeƱo. And actually, it does kind of look like a chilli pepper. Hilarious! I assume it looks like whatever you're associating with it - I hear Bean, or Pod as baby nicknames a lot.

It's amazing how much you can resent having to 'take' a progesterone pessiary at the same time every night, when it's really not a big deal and takes about 2 seconds. Falling asleep at 9.30 and having to wake up to take it is the worst. Maybe now I've seen a heartbeat it'll be easier.

Everyone says this, but it is very odd to think that inside you is a little alive thing, Living and relying on you. Please God, help me to be a good host.

Two weeks left until twelve weeks, how can it be that the days have passed?

My experience of morning sickness: Some days are ok (maintain the food in the stomach = don't feel sick much), some days are good (little` sickness) some days are bad from start to finish no matter what you do.

Don't wear fitted high waisted pants; indigestion. Thank you black jeans, I loved you, goodbye for now.

Before I became an adult (approximately 20ish), I didn't realise that every happy announcement always has a bitter edge. It seems there's always someone who's genuinely suffered or is hurting and on the opposite side of the coin when you're looking down the barrel of making your own happy announcement. How to be sensitive, yet (appropriately) enjoy the moment? How do you let people know you know what the hurt feels like, without spotlighting them in contrast to your happy news?

Vanilla Coke Zero is made of poison, seriously people don't drink it. Worst throwing up experience of my life.

Thankfully the Vanilla Coke Zero spewing incident seems to have been my last hurrah to morning sickness, I'm 13 weeks today.

I am not good at announcing things. Good things/bad things. If it's about me, I am not great at broaching the topic. I get stage fright, or ridiculously nervous. I need to learn to squeeze it into a response to 'hi, how are you?' ie. 'I'm good thanks, good, and pregnant'

Not being able to wait to announce things in one big swooping announcement to the world (I probably should put it on Facebook huh?) I keep thinking I have told everyone, this is not the case. Awkward.

I don't like mega Facebook announcements. I hardly even like Facebook these days. Has its uses though... dilemma.

Ebay has good things for babies, and some great bargains!

One week off the progesterone, I have been a bit nervous as it seems they made a big difference, but so far so good.


End of week 14, Saturday Oct 15, I'm feeling better and looking 'rounded.' At my appointment the doctor poked me a bit on the tummy and said 'beautiful!' which was very nice to hear. I assumed he knew what he was poking about for. I also managed to lose instead of gain some weight, so a plus on my score card!

Small things can make you cry.. small things and water balloons thrown at ones car...

Sales people in maternity stores think you have less issues about personal space and don't think that stretching out your jeans to show you how big you're going to be and showing the store your undies is a big deal. This little thing I took in my stride, I didn't cry.

I'm sure I'll add more to this over time, but not too much to be boring I hope :)