Thursday, November 29, 2012

Suffering TMT and PMT

Tomorrow The Mouse is eight months old. And it does sound old. Compared to one month, or six months, it sounds A LOT closer to one year old. And yet, she's so tiny!

Tiny and yet, sitting so well by herself, wriggling herself around on the floor like a caterpillar, and growing teeth. This is called 'TMT' (The Mouse Teething) and it's not so fun for anyone. I am very grateful that she seems to have inherited my high pain tolerance, or maybe just being a month older than the other babies in our Mum's Group makes a difference to her understanding of what's going on? However, getting up every two hours through the night is starting to take its toll on me and, yesterday's crazy chocolate cravings aside, today it's also 'PMT,' which means mood swings and feeling bloated, just in time for the first 38 degree day of Spring.

Last night I lay in bed, and it must have been something about the way I was lying down but, I got nostalgic about being pregnant. For me being pregnant was like an extra-long Christmas Eve. I know that makes it sound like it was all rainbows and good times (it wasn't) but there was that quiet thrill of excited expectation. A growing secret shared body feeling, so alien and yet so a part of me. The wondering and the imagining 'what will she be like?' For me Christmas Eve, more so than my birthday, has always been like that - 'what will tomorrow bring?'

I had to trust, every day that things were going how they should be, but every day there would be a wriggle or a bump to say 'I'm coming... expect me.' It was simply a matter of waiting.

I didn't love being pregnant, it was physically and emotionally simply a 'waiting expectantly.' And I do love being a mum; there's still waiting, still trusting, and there's still things to look forward to. But last night I felt, for a short while, a grief for the loss of that going to bed moment when: I would get comfy, then The Mouse (called Chilli Pepper in utero) would get comfy, and, aware of each others presence we would go to sleep, like every tomorrow was going to be Christmas Eve again.


Aqua said...

This is a lovely post. Beautiful xo

delia said...

thanks :)

MelbourneAlly said...